Advice for Moms

Building Your Daughter's Self Esteem Starts Early

Ethnic and multi-ethnic children, especially little girls, realize the values that society places on outer appearances, especially what may make them different, much sooner than you might think. Little girls form their self-image early and are impacted by messages and other influences in their environment. By the time your daughter begins to interact socially with friends or family members or take in the many messages in the media, she will have some idea about her image and how others may view her. In order to ensure your daughter has a healthy self-concept, it is important to begin talking to her about her identity as soon as possible so that you can instill in her a strong self-esteem and a healthy self-image. It is just as important to de-emphasize the importance of outer beauty and communicate to her that her beauty begins on the inside. Because we believe this is crucial for little girls, Just for Me™ Texture Softener™ tapped nationally renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Jeff Gardere to offer ways to start the dialogue with your child.

 
 

Starting the Conversation

Ask your daughter what she likes and doesn't like about herself. You may be surprised about what your daughter will tell you. This is an opportunity to reinforce the positive feelings, address any negative or self-destructive feelings and even begin to explore the topics that may spur outside influences like from the media, friends or other family members.

Be aware of the positive role models in her everyday life. Noticing someone of similar ethnicity provides you an opportunity to express your views about how society is becoming more of a "melting pot" and to ask your daughter what she things about her heritage. Be sure to reinforce what she sees with positive statements about her beauty.

Proactively talk about loving your daughter's hair. Your daughter's hair is unmistakably linked to her self-image and self-esteem. If she feels her hair is a problem, she will also think there is a problem with her image. If she believes her hair is beautiful, she will believe that she is beautiful. Your little girl will take her cues from you, her mother. Be careful not to inadvertently pass along negative feelings through the frustrations of everyday grooming.

Expose your daughter to a variety of cultures. It's important that your daughter not only appreciate the cultures that make her unique, but to also experience other cultures. This will reinforce inclusiveness in her world as well as reinforce the idea that the very things that make us different can make us beautiful, no matter what the cultural background. This will offer the opportunity to talk about the idea of culture on global basis, expanding her horizons beyond just her school or playground.

Talk about your daughter's social interactions at school. Instead of simply saying, "how was your day?" try being more specific to her interaction with her friends, especially during recesses or lunch hours where children interact with one another. Asking, "what did you and your friends discuss over lunch today?" or "how was recess?" will open the door to discussions about social interactions that she may be attempting to sort out on her own.

Get involved in a social network of families like yours. Surrounding yourself and your family with other families with similar experiences not only fosters positive dialogue, but it also reinforces the idea that perhaps your family isn't so different after all. Because the world is becoming increasingly more diverse with several different cultural mixes, it will do your daughter, and yourself, wonders to meet and develop relationships with families who share your unique experience.
Watch television and movies with your daughter. Seeing a television commercial or movie that includes beautiful women of the same ethnicity provides an opportunity to reinforce to your daughter that her hair and outward appearance are uniquely beautiful. Finally, be sure to ask your daughter what she thinks about the images and how they may make her feel.

Read about current events together and discuss what you read. Reading together about statistics on multi-ethnic or ethnic families like yours can help you start talking about social issues that are still prevalent in today's society.


Tips for Moms

It is important to start with dialogue. 200252132-001.jpg

Be role models for your child in the way that you perceive or discuss race or ethnicity. Always be positive about your daughter’s mixed heritage.

If one of her parents is African-American, it is important to reinforce the fact that society may view them as African-American despite their multi-heritage—but this should be embraced.

Understand that your child has some very real challenges, and be empathetic with the issues that they face from day-to-day. It can be confusing and overwhelming at times.

Surround kids with the images that make up all aspects of their heritage and explain to them they are unique, yet also reinforce that they are neither inferior nor superior to anyone else.

Try not to dictate to your children, simply share stories and experiences with them in order to better educate them on issues about race.

Provide balance at home when it comes to cultural messages, spoken or unspoken, understanding that even covert messages can have impact.

Encourage your daughter to focus on internal beauty and not so much on the external.

Seek out pro-diversity programming for positive influences in the media.

Educate yourself on the hair care products that are available for ethnic and multi-ethnic children’s hair and choose a long-lasting solution that will make the grooming ritual easier for you and less of an ordeal for your daughter. Hair manageability issues can really cause self-esteem issues… no matter what texture it is.

Teach your child about all of their ancestry and where they come from, but give them social context about their predominant culture. This will help her to accept her hair and who she is.


Visit the Sunflower Mom Blog and multi-ethnic, family-oriented or parenting sites to network with other parents to see how they are handling similar concerns.